Are you jealous?
by PickledCabbage
Summary: ShWeir. John starts to get a bit jealous of Caldwell whilst pissing off Elizabeth and not getting much help from his friends
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own any of them. Damn it! Ah well…as long as can watch them on telly that's okay.

Note: I realise that this is crap, but you see the problem is I have no inspiration, but I feel the need to write a shepweir fic. If you don't like shepweir stories them I'm afraid I'm gonna have to tell you to piss off because any sheyla fans or McWeir fans really need professional help which I can't be bothered to help. What can I say, I a British bitch with a crazy side, don't worry you'll learn to love me and laugh at my behaviour. Review to tell me what you think and please give me some tips or ideas for a story that you can't be bothered to write yourself.

"You're dismissed." Elizabeth closed her folder and turned on her laptop, as all of SGA-1 left the briefing room apart from a certain Lt. Colonel.

"What can I do for you colonel?" Her eyes never left the screen. He stood up and sat in the chair next to her. He smiled smugly. _Wow, there are so many ways I could go with that question!_

"Well…I can think of a couple of things that you could…" She turned to him abruptly and raised an eyebrow at him. He chuckled.

"John Sheppard, you are one sick, twisted, childish-" She said disgustedly.

"I know, I know! I'm a terrible man with an extremely bad sense of humour." He said genuinely smiling at her with one of those smiles that just made her melt, in which she couldn't help but smile back. _Don't smile at me like that you ignoring adorable prick!_

"So…what are you going to do during these next few blissful days of vacation?" He said, crossing his legs and resting them on the briefing room table. She turned off her laptop and turned to face him properly.

"Catch up with some reports and other things like that. I'm so behind." John's mouth was slightly open at this point. She smiled. "It's not like I wouldn't rather be doing more pleasurable things-" he raised an eyebrow "BUT there's still work to do." _Why did I say that?_

"No." He said simply.

She gave a slight laugh and looked at him confused, but still smiling. "What do you mean no?"

"Me and you are gonna do something…pleasurable." She laughed and he smiled. _She should laugh more often._

"I can't. I'm sorry. I mean I would, but…well it's just like I told you basically." She smiled sympathetically. He got and leant on the table.

"Hey. There's no need to apologise to me." He smiled and she got up with her folder and coffee and smiled back.

"I know, but I'm sorry all the same." She looked down at her watch.

"Shit! I'm meant to be at a meeting with Cavanaugh! Great! Another reason for me being a shit leader on his never-ending list, I'm sure he'll mention that in one of his reports." She sighed. "Seriously sometimes I just feel like-"

"Cutting his damn ponytail off!" He nodded. "I know exactly how you feel!" She burst into laughter and headed towards the door. John was very disturbed by the fact he was watching her bum as she went.

"You know you're wrong, you have a great sense of humour." She said leaning against the doorframe.

"Oh I know and I'm also very giving too. So, even if you're not going to take a break, the least you could do is come to dinner tonight with me." He said waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"That's sweet, but yet again I'm sorry I can't. I actually having dinner with someone else." And with that she headed out of the door. He ran towards the door and called out from it.

"With who?" He shouted down the hallway.

"With Steven." She then turned the corner.

John walked back into the briefing room. _Who the hell is Steven? Oh my god! Steven as in Steven Caldwell Steven? Holy crap._ If John could have fainted there and then he would have, but unfortunately the floors were just to hard for that. _What does she see_ _in him?_ And then he stormed out of the briefing room in search of answers.

I'm so sorry it's so crap. If you don't want me to continue just tell me. If you do want me to continue please, please, give me some ideas for the next chapter otherwise I'm screwed. Lots of love PickledOnion xxxx


	2. Chapter 2

It's me again, just wanted to say I love your idea Weirfan and if it's alright with you I'm going to use it. Watch as the story unfolds. Lots of love your favourite pickled vegetable, PickledCabbage xxxx

Chapter 2:

John walked into the mess hall still contemplating what had just happened with Elizabeth. _Is she dating Caldwell now? That's gross! _He saw Rodney, Teyla, Carson and Ronan sitting at a table and went over to join them. He sat down opposite Ronan and Teyla and put a hand through his bed-head hair.

"What's up?" He asked casually. Ronan and Teyla simultaneously looked up at the ceiling in confusion. Rodney and Carson both burst into laughter. John smiled weakly. Carson turned to John.

"What wrong, lad? Don't tell me you didn't find that slightly comical?" Carson said smiling.

"I don't feel like laughing. Actually I feel more like chucking up." John sighed. Rodney jumped out of his seat.

"Just don't chuck up on me!" Rodney said. Teyla grinned.

"Yes I do believe Dr. McKay has a date, to get ready for. I'm sure he wouldn't want to smell bad." She said cheerfully. Ronan nearly choked on his food.

"With a girl?" Ronan questioned.

Carson laughed. "That's exactly what I said, lad!" Rodney grabbed his plate, stood up and scowled.

"At least I have a date! I can't say the same for you lot!" Rodney smirked. Ronan picked up his plate and faced Rodney. Rodney looked up at him in horror.

"Some of us aren't desperate." And with that, Ronan left the mess hall. Rodney sighed in relief.

"You know that guy can be pretty intimidating." Rodney said tucking his chair in and finishing his coffee. John smiled.

"What's intimidating about a guy who could break your skull with his bare hands?" John said, leaning back in his chair.

"He can't…no one can…he can really…oh my God…okay well, I'm going to lock myself in my lab for a couple of days." Rodney then swiftly walked out of the mess hall, constantly looking from side to side for any glimpse of the tall warrior.

Teyla smiled and looked at Carson. "You say Ronan and I are comical, but I happen to think that Dr. McKay is a lot more enjoyable to watch...especially when he's frightened. Wouldn't you agree?"

Carson chuckled. "Yes lass I would. Now come on, colonel, tell us what's wrong." Carson said nudging John who appeared to be day-dreaming.

John sighed and looked from Carson to Teyla. "I think Elizabeth is dating Caldwell." A look of disgust was all over his face.

Teyla frowned. "You are not happy for them?" _Happy for them? Teyla did you hear_ _me! I said Elizabeth and Caldwell! That's purely revolting!_

"No! This is Elizabeth and Caldwell, that's just…eeww! Just thinking about it makes me want to lean over a toilet." John shuddered at the thought of them together.

Carson looked unconvinced. "Are you sure? Somehow I can't see Elizabeth going for the military type." _What wrong with the military type? I'm in the military! _

"Yes, I am sure, and it's not that he's in the Air Force. It's just I don't see Elizabeth going for someone like…him." John looked extremely confused.

Teyla looked at John worriedly. "Are you sure this is to do with your feeling towards Colonel Caldwell…or your feelings towards Dr. Weir?" Carson, who was drinking at this point, began to splutter. John turned his head sharply towards the doctor then back to Teyla.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He said aggressively. Teyla realised this was a touchy subject and so left it be.

"Oh, nothing colonel. It was only a thought, nothing more." She said simply and took a food tray and left the table. John turned to Carson to see him trying not to smile.

"She wrong! I'm telling you she's wrong! Don't look at me like that!" He stood up angrily.

Carson smiled smugly and held up his hands defensively. "I didn't say a word." John stormed out of the mess hall and decided to pay a visit to Rodney. _They give the most crap advice ever! Feelings towards Elizabeth…please! I need some good, solid, honest advice from a good, honest, trustworthy person!_

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Rodney!" John barked as he entered his friend's lab.

"Look, I realise I'm not your favourite person in this world or the other, but giving me a heart attack is a little evil even for you." John ignored his comment.

"Here's the deal. I don't want any reaction from you whatsoever. Elizabeth is going to dinner with Caldwell alone and I want to find out if they're _together_ together, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, please! Why do you give me such simple things! Easy peasy lemon queezy! Spy on them." John smiled. _Now that's a plan! And I'm going to forget you said easy peasy lemon queezy._

NEXT TIME: John's spying goes horribly wrong and he suffers the consequences.

PLEASE REVIEW! Give me some suggestions as to how the spying could go horribly wrong. I want Elizabeth to be angry with him, because well…they can't fall in love to quickly…that's just not realistic. Sorry Elizabeth wasn't in this chapter I just couldn't find a place for her, lots of love PickledCabbage xxxxxx


	3. Chapter 3

Hi, it's me again.

Weirfan: That's weird that you think Rodney should help spy because before I read your review I was thinking the exact same thing thanks anyway.

Alrighty then here you go! Enjoy! Review!

Chapter 3:

"Rodney, I'm don't think this is such a good idea anymore!"

Rodney had dragged John to the mess hall at 11.00pm. Most of Atlantis was asleep, but in the mess hall there was a candlelight dinner for two. Somehow John really didn't want to know anymore what Elizabeth and Caldwell did, he'd rather be in the dark about it all and not face any facts that included Elizabeth…and Caldwell…together. The thought of it made him want to hurl and for just a split second he considered that maybe in someway, perhaps, maybe, there was a chance that he was slightly, a little bit jealous…or not. It didn't matter all he knew was the most irrational decision he ever made was taking Rodney's offer of spying of them and not only was he spying, he was spying with Rodney, which drastically made the whole situation ten times worse.

Right now, he and the chief scientist had their heads poking round the mess hall door waiting his commander and a higher ranking military officer, if this didn't give him the boot he didn't know what would.

"Look, you wimp! This was your idea!" Rodney blurted out.

John looked at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding with me? This was your dumb idea!"

"Yeah and you were just the idiot who went along with it." Rodney muttered. John narrowed his eyes at him.

"You want to know what's going on just as much as I do!"

"Maybe, but I want to know because I'm curious-"

"Nosey!" John interrupted.

"AND you want to know because well, we all know why you want to know." Rodney smirked.

"Excuse me and what the hell is that supposed to mean!"

"Oh come on John, we all know you fancy her!"

"Fancy who!"

"Elizabeth!"

"That's not true!" John said unconvincingly.

"Shut up." Rodney hissed.

"No Rodney! You shut up!"

"Why not we both shut up since I can hear Caldwell and Elizabeth making their way here now." John's eyes widened.

"No."

"Yes."

"No." John said in completely shock.

"YES." Rodney hissed again.

"What do we do? What do we do?" John said going into a state of panic. Rodney had a look of concentration on his face; he was deep in thought.

"Well…" John said expectantly.

"I'm thinking!"

"Well think faster!"

"I've got an idea!" Rodney grabbed John's arm and ran towards the candlelight dinner and dragged John under the table with him. Rodney looked up at him and smiled. John looked at Rodney in horror.

"This is your master plan!"

"Hey!" Rodney said defensively, "I never said this was a master plan."

"That's for sure." John muttered.

"Well, do you want to know what's going on or don't you?" Rodney said impatiently.

John reluctantly nodded. "What if they see us?"

"Hello. Table cloth at one o'clock, two o'clock, three…well, there's a table cloth."

"Sssh, do you here that? They're coming!"

Meanwhile above the table…

"Oh Steven, you made dinner!" Elizabeth said smiling, but a little confused by the candles and wine. It looked like quite the romantic evening. _Crap! I've given him the wrong idea!_

Caldwell smiled with pride and pulled out a chair for her, which she graciously sat down in.

"I did. It took time, but I think I did well." Caldwell sat down also, barely missing Rodney's hand with his foot.

"Look, Elizabeth…can I call you Elizabeth?" Caldwell asked confidently. She smiled shyly at him.

"Sure." _Why not we just keep it to Dr. Weir pal!_

"Well, I just thought this dinner would be a nice way to apologize for my disgusting behaviour over the last couple of days and-"

Elizabeth raised a hand. "There's no need you did what you thought was right and I understand that." _Even though you practically took over John's job while he was mutating into a bug!_

Caldwell smiled. "I'm glad, I didn't want you to be angry with me, that's all."

"Well, I'm not, so let's just enjoy the dinner." She lifted her wine glass and they clinked glasses. _There better be no poison in this wine because there's no way you're going to steal my job!_

She put her glass and frowned. He sipped his wine and looked at her puzzled. _What is that revolting…Oh my God…that's gross, well it wasn't me, must have been him! Great!_

"What? What's the matter?" He questioned.

She looked up at him, half-confused and half-disgusted. "Do you smell that?"

"Rodney." John whispered. "What the hell did you have for dinner tonight?"

"Look, I'm sorry, certain Athosian fruits play havoc on my digestive system."

"Well…thanks. Here I am squashed underneath a table while I listen to Caldwell sucking up to Elizabeth like she's a lemon, no offence Rodney, and now I have to sit here bickering childishly with you as well as smelling your horrible insides. Nice, McKay, real nice."

"Better out than…." Rodney trailed off and looked into the distance.

"In, Rodney. It's 'better out than in.' What are you looking at?" John turned his head to see an extremely pissed off Elizabeth sticking her head underneath the table with her eye glare going off the scale.

"Shit." It was the only word that came to mind at that particular moment.

"Yes, colonel. Shit is right." If a look could kill, John would be…well…for a lack of a better word…dead.

I know an evil cliff hanger, but I've decided that if you reviewers have good ideas for the next chapter I'm going to use them because I've no idea where to take the story next so I'm practically begging you to review and give me some ideas! Lots of love PickledCabbage xxxxx


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